I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never been the best at Revolutionary War history. Sure, I remember the significance of the Boston Tea Party, and that Paul Revere is more than just a song by the Beastie Boys. But when thinking back on our nation’s founding, I sure as hell wouldn’t have picked Connecticut as the ‘Constitution State.’ Pennsylvania, perhaps, or even Massachusetts, but Connecticut? No way. But indeed, every Connecticut license plate proudly proclaims that this is the Constitution State, while Massachusetts is merely ‘The Spirit of America.’ If the Boston Tea Party is the seminal Colonial moment in Massachusetts, that must mean that the spirit of America is disguising ourselves as the people we’ve been oppressing and then blaming our actions on them. Nice.
So, in a very Carrie Bradshaw-esque way, I’ve been asking myself just what are some of the things that define Connecticut. And oh, what a long, strange trip it’s been. Here are a few of the highlights and observations from the past two weeks:
1) Tonight we’re going to party like it’s 1899. When it comes to alcohol, Connecticut is a damn strange state. Not only can you not purchase alcohol on Sundays (unless you go to a proper bar), you can’t purchase it after 9:00pm Monday- Saturday. Grocery stores go into lockdown at 9:01pm, putting the alcohol behind bars. And don’t even think of trying to purchase wine at a grocery store – they aren’t allowed to sell it. Major chains like Stop ‘n Shop can sell beer but no wine or liquor, and smaller chains like Trader Joe’s don’t even have a liquor license, so there’s no Two Buck Chuck to be found anywhere in this great state. If you do wish to purchase wine or liquor, you have to visit a ‘package store,’ an innocuous-sounding euphemism for a liquor store. Honestly, for the first couple of weeks I was here I thought that people in Connecticut just liked to ship goods regularly, and that Bud Light was the proud sponsor of their packaging needs. Yes, that’s right – I went to Berkeley, ladies and gentleman.
2) But the wind does great things for my pores. Connecticut is one of the growing number of states who have made it illegal to drive without a hands-free set for your cell phone. I understand the rationale for a hands-free law, but anyone who’s ever used one knows that trying to find your phone, plug the set in and answer a call before it goes to voicemail, all while driving a car, is actually more dangerous than just picking up the damn phone the old-fashioned way. I guess you could put your ear piece in and plug the set into your phone every time before you drive just in case you get a call, but frankly it’s a little too 1-800 Dentist for me, and not exactly comfortable. And while you can receive a heavy fine for using your phone without a hands-free while driving, it is perfectly legal to ride a motorcycle without a helmet – and EVERYONE does it. I guess one could argue that by not wearing a helmet you’re causing the most harm to yourself rather than others, but honestly it’s about the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. Even our landlord does it.
3) Dude, where’s my car? Unlike in the Bay Area, where failure to move your car for street sweeping results in a $30 fine, in the fair town of New Haven they will straight up tow your car. On street sweeping days it’s like Christmas morning for the tow truck companies, as they gleefully bound down the street and pick up the cars of any poor schmuck who forgot which day of the week to park on different sides of the street. Between the two sides of our street (which get swept on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday on one side, and the 2nd and 4th Wednesday on the other), you have four opportunities per month to have your car taken away – and returned for a mere $90 fee.
4) Radio Free Connecticut. New Haven is just far enough from NYC and Boston to have no good radio stations. And I mean NO good radio stations, particularly alternative music. I feel like I’m in some musical time warp, and nothing that came out after 1987 is played. Ever wonder what happened to John Tesh after Entertainment Tonight and his Yanni impersonation phase? He hosts a radio show in Connecticut. That’s right. It’s me and John Tesh, out in the middle of this musical dead zone. I’m going to need all of your help in finding and hearing new music. Please help.
5) Proud Hooker Mom. I will say that the folks of New Haven have a sense of humor. All throughout town you’ll see Volvos and station wagons adorned with bumper stickers that say, “PROUD HOOKER MOM,” with small lettering beneath saying ‘Douglas Hooker School.’
6) I'm sorry, we don't have pizza, just apizza. Pizza in New Haven is called 'Apizza,' as in 'Amato's Apizza,' and 'Modern Apizza.' Locals have told me that the name comes from the New England accent, with people coming in to order 'a pizza,' but they often joined the two words together. Voila! You have apizza, and the abolishment of the word pizzeria forever.
In spite of these strange things, Connecticut does seem like a nice place to live. I guess if Katie Couric calls Connecticut home, it’s good enough for me. The leaves should start to change soon, and given just how densely wooded (and often rural) Connecticut can be, it should be a pretty amazing sight. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m going apple picking this coming weekend, and I’m damn excited. Wild person that I am, I may even get a pumpkin. I know, I know, contain yourself.
So, in a very Carrie Bradshaw-esque way, I’ve been asking myself just what are some of the things that define Connecticut. And oh, what a long, strange trip it’s been. Here are a few of the highlights and observations from the past two weeks:
1) Tonight we’re going to party like it’s 1899. When it comes to alcohol, Connecticut is a damn strange state. Not only can you not purchase alcohol on Sundays (unless you go to a proper bar), you can’t purchase it after 9:00pm Monday- Saturday. Grocery stores go into lockdown at 9:01pm, putting the alcohol behind bars. And don’t even think of trying to purchase wine at a grocery store – they aren’t allowed to sell it. Major chains like Stop ‘n Shop can sell beer but no wine or liquor, and smaller chains like Trader Joe’s don’t even have a liquor license, so there’s no Two Buck Chuck to be found anywhere in this great state. If you do wish to purchase wine or liquor, you have to visit a ‘package store,’ an innocuous-sounding euphemism for a liquor store. Honestly, for the first couple of weeks I was here I thought that people in Connecticut just liked to ship goods regularly, and that Bud Light was the proud sponsor of their packaging needs. Yes, that’s right – I went to Berkeley, ladies and gentleman.
2) But the wind does great things for my pores. Connecticut is one of the growing number of states who have made it illegal to drive without a hands-free set for your cell phone. I understand the rationale for a hands-free law, but anyone who’s ever used one knows that trying to find your phone, plug the set in and answer a call before it goes to voicemail, all while driving a car, is actually more dangerous than just picking up the damn phone the old-fashioned way. I guess you could put your ear piece in and plug the set into your phone every time before you drive just in case you get a call, but frankly it’s a little too 1-800 Dentist for me, and not exactly comfortable. And while you can receive a heavy fine for using your phone without a hands-free while driving, it is perfectly legal to ride a motorcycle without a helmet – and EVERYONE does it. I guess one could argue that by not wearing a helmet you’re causing the most harm to yourself rather than others, but honestly it’s about the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. Even our landlord does it.
3) Dude, where’s my car? Unlike in the Bay Area, where failure to move your car for street sweeping results in a $30 fine, in the fair town of New Haven they will straight up tow your car. On street sweeping days it’s like Christmas morning for the tow truck companies, as they gleefully bound down the street and pick up the cars of any poor schmuck who forgot which day of the week to park on different sides of the street. Between the two sides of our street (which get swept on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday on one side, and the 2nd and 4th Wednesday on the other), you have four opportunities per month to have your car taken away – and returned for a mere $90 fee.
4) Radio Free Connecticut. New Haven is just far enough from NYC and Boston to have no good radio stations. And I mean NO good radio stations, particularly alternative music. I feel like I’m in some musical time warp, and nothing that came out after 1987 is played. Ever wonder what happened to John Tesh after Entertainment Tonight and his Yanni impersonation phase? He hosts a radio show in Connecticut. That’s right. It’s me and John Tesh, out in the middle of this musical dead zone. I’m going to need all of your help in finding and hearing new music. Please help.
5) Proud Hooker Mom. I will say that the folks of New Haven have a sense of humor. All throughout town you’ll see Volvos and station wagons adorned with bumper stickers that say, “PROUD HOOKER MOM,” with small lettering beneath saying ‘Douglas Hooker School.’
6) I'm sorry, we don't have pizza, just apizza. Pizza in New Haven is called 'Apizza,' as in 'Amato's Apizza,' and 'Modern Apizza.' Locals have told me that the name comes from the New England accent, with people coming in to order 'a pizza,' but they often joined the two words together. Voila! You have apizza, and the abolishment of the word pizzeria forever.
In spite of these strange things, Connecticut does seem like a nice place to live. I guess if Katie Couric calls Connecticut home, it’s good enough for me. The leaves should start to change soon, and given just how densely wooded (and often rural) Connecticut can be, it should be a pretty amazing sight. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m going apple picking this coming weekend, and I’m damn excited. Wild person that I am, I may even get a pumpkin. I know, I know, contain yourself.
4 comments:
http://kexp.org/home.asp
You'll never need another source for new music.
You're hilarious. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Radio stations suck in Eugene too. And John Tesh's show is syndicated, so I hear the same thing as you. It freaks me out every time I hear his voice telling me strange statistics and factoids.
Love the nun photos - radio sucks in Sacramento too, which is why I'm addicted to NPR...
So... why is it the Constitution State? All soounds different and interesting. And, isn't that what living in a new part of the country is all about? The only music I'm cutting edge with is country... but I do sometimes hear about the alternative world, so I'll pass on any news!
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